Warning: This review does go into a fair bit of detail on the film. If you prefer to see a film not knowing anything going in, please do not read on.
In 1931 Irish poet and story teller James Stephens wrote: “That grief had been translated, or was come/ Other and better than it first looked to be:/ And that this happened. because all things transfer/ From what they seem to what they truly are/ When they innocently brooded on/ – And so the poet makes grief beautiful.” More than just a film or a story, Blue Valentine is poetry of the soul and writer/director Derek Cianfrance is its poet.
Equally brilliant are Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams in the lead roles of Dean and Cindy, two lovers, who after years of marriage and raising their daughter have drifted emotionally apart. Where at the beginning of their relationship, Dean had the upper hand as the nobler, older, wiser and employed half of the couple, the upper hand now clearly belongs to Cindy who has surpassed Dean in her education, employment and maturity. From some of the introductory scenes filmed around the breakfast table, it is clear that at this point in time and in their relationship that Dean has more in common with their young daughter Frankie than he does with his own wife.
Without giving too much away, the main catalyst for the demise of the marriage of Dean and Cindy is an irreconcilable difference in the way they define success. Cindy sees success in terms of potential fulfilled (whether she means earning potential, creative potential or both is unclear) while Dean sees success in terms of basic happiness – the ability to enjoy one’s days. What Dean sees as freedoms, Cindy sees as drawbacks – Dean’s happiness is Cindy’s settlement.
The character portraits that are painted are complicated ones. Though I wanted to hate Cindy and sympathize with Dean, I couldn’t, and I think that here lies the lesson that Cianfrance is trying to teach us – endings are not always clear cut, sometimes there are no “good guys” or “bad guys” but just people, good and bad, flawed and strong, ugly and beautiful. You can’t fault Dean’s devotion to his daughter any more than you can fault his wife’s desire for something more. I remember when I was younger and my mum had to explain the concept of divorce to me (not because my parents are divorced fortunately) and she explained it like this: Sometimes two wonderful people, great people, amazing people just aren’t wonderful for each other. That doesn’t make them any less wonderful, it just means that they don’t fit together.
For Dean and Cindy, pulled together by circumstance and timing, it is unclear whether they ever really did fit or whether the notion of love initially blinded them to their inevitable incompatibility, like it does for so many of the rest of us. Either way, I find it both horribly depressing and awkwardly reassuring at the same time
